Your Child's Self-Esteem

I recently read an article about children's self-esteem and it had so many good points. It was written by Dr. James Dobson, a well-known Christian author and speaker, from his book entitled "The New Hide or Seek". I wanted to share a few excerpts with you that convicted me and made me pause and think about how I word things to my children.

"The first step in building your child's esteem is to examine your own feelings--to even be willing to expose those heretofore unconscious guilt-laden attitudes...are you secretly disappointed because your child is ordinary? Lacks appeal and charm? Do you think he is dumb? Was she born during a difficult time, imposing a financial and physical stress on the family? Did you want a girl instead of a boy or vice versa? Do you resent the freedom you lost or the demands a child places on your time and effort? Does he embarrass you by being too loud or too withdrawn?

You can't teach a child to respect himself when you dislike him for reasons of your own. A sizeable portion of your chlid's self-concept emerges from the way he thinks you "see" him. He watches what you say and do with interest. He is more alert to your "statements" regarding his worth than on any other subject. He reads your unspoken and perhaps unconscious attitudes.

The child convinced of parental love and respect is inclined to accept worth as a person. Many children know intuitively they are loved by their parents, but they do not believe they are held in high esteem. This seems so contradictory. A child can conclude: Sure they love me because I'm their child--I can see that I'm important to them, but they are not proud of me as a person. I'm a disappointment to them. I've let them down. I'm not turning out as they had hoped.

It's easy to convey love and disrespect at the same time. You are tense when your child speaks to guests or outsiders. You butt in to explain what he was trying to say, or laugh nervously if the remarks sound foolish. When someone asks him a direct question, you interrupt and answer. You reveal your frustration when you are trying to comb his hair or make him "look nice" for an important event. He knows you think it is an impossible assignment. If he is to spend a weekday away from the family, you give him an extended lecture on how to avoid making a fool of himself. These subtle behavious are signals to the child that he must be supervised closely to avoid embarrassing the whole family.

Disrespect can be read into your manner, though it is framed in genuine love. The love is a private thing between you, whereas confidence and admiration are "other" oriented, having social implications to those outside the family.

Loving your child, therefore, is only half the task of building self-esteem. The element of respect must be added to counterbalance the insults of society. Unless somebody believes in the child's worth, the world can be a cold and lonely place indeed."

(I've experienced middle school with my daughter and can wholeheartedly agree with the coldness).

I hope this gave you pause like it did me.

Boom De Yada!

Coaster ride

some funnies to start your week

click to make the cartoon bigger...

Nest is full again

My daughter is back from her mission trip to Juarez, Mexico. We went out to dinner after picking her up from church. There was an obvious camaradarie, easy laughter, and closeness between the teens. Secret handshakes between adult leaders and teens when we left...it was cool. What a great trip. She has been non-stop since she saw us, relating everything as fast as the words would come. It is so interesting. There will be a slide show soon, so I can't wait to see all the pictures. In collaboration with Amor Ministries, they built 5 homes in a week's time. Actually 4 days because 2 days were travel, and 2 days were set up/take down of all the tents and supplies.

We've already gotten the dusty laundry sorted and started. I'm sure she will be talking about the trip for a whole week, and I love hearing about it. She has gained so much from this trip, I can tell already. Something is 'different'. In a very good way.

Last week, we were 'kidless' and boy was that a treat for my husband and I. (My son was at his Great Gluten Escape camp in East Texas).....the house was immaculate, things were so....uncomplicated. It's amazing how much goes into these kids!

And so.......here's the reality now that the chicks are back in the nest.....

The bathroom they share will be in disarray soon.

There wil be dishes left in their rooms.

There will be chores that need to be assigned and nagged about to get them done.

Mom's taxi service will be up and running again, taking them hither and yon.

More laundry.

More dishes.

More food prep.

Random shoes, books, clothes, games, guitar music, etc. left in places they shouldn't be.

Noise.



But, I'm so glad they're home!!! :-)

sit, stay, roll over

http://www.idodogtricks.com/index_flash.html

Click on this link and enjoy this with your toddler. Turn up the speakers and tell the dog to do tricks. Very cute!

squishy

Mud. Dirt. Paint. I love the way it feels when I work with my hands. Chances are, your child might, too. Playing with wet textures like mud, wet sand, and dough gives your child the opportunity to explore their world through the sense of touch. Whatever medium you may be using, encourage your child to talk about what they feel. Is it wet? Is it squishy? What could we do with it? Could we paint with it? Try adding water a little bit at a time and see what happens to it. Get messy! You can always hose 'em off later. Fun!

Thanks for the idea Bernadette

quote

"If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging."

And she's off

Early, very early this morning--4:30 a.m., my daughter left with 80 teenagers and adults through our church for Juarez, Mexico to build homes for people who don't have a decent place to live. Tonight, she is safely in El Paso, spending the night at a hotel and taking her last 'real shower' for the week. Tomorrow morning, they will cross over to Mexico and set up camp. This is my daughter's first trip there. It is a trip reserved for entering 9th graders through high school grads. She has been anticipating this trip for months. All of the teens that are going raised their own support, are taking a week of their summertime to go to a dusty, dry and hot place of Mexico to work and help someone else, got up in the 'middle of the night' to ride 12 hours, and will be sleeping in tents and taking 'bucket showers'. Most of the people that have done this trip before love it and do it again. They work very hard building 5 homes in 5 days.

She will learn so much. I can't wait to get an earful when she gets back. For now, I have to be satisfied with quick texts and a phone call when I can get them.

Musicovery

Have you discovered Musicovery? VERY cool!!!

something new this summer

Summer always inspires me to do something 'new'. This summer, I'm learning the art of calligraphy. I'm taking the class with my children on Wednesday nights for 5 weeks at my church. This past Wednesday was the first class and we loved it! The teacher assigned homework. I am really looking forward to next week.

What are you doing this summer to grow?

The Joy of Kindermusik

Have you ever wondered what happens in other classes? Take a peek!

i love dirt

This looks like a great book for summertime or anytime. I learned about it on a great blog. Click here.

craft time

This should keep you and your kids busy this summer. Now that my children are 14 and 11, I miss my days with preschooler crafts. That's why I'm lovin' my time in Creatures in My Backyard, a summer camp for 18 months through 3 1/2. We made some pretty cute robins-on-a-stick on Tuesday.

Next class, we're making this.

A love for reading begins at home

Long before they start school, children are ready to learn the skills that will turn them into readers. Click here for some reading strategies that work for various age levels.